My History

I'm going to try to make this as coherent as possible... Here's my background.

I was born to a drug addict, stripper mother. We never really had enough money and things were never easy. I had two sisters and when I was about 5 or 6 I was sexually abused by an uncle or a cousin. I also lost a little brother to phenomena around this time. I, honestly, don't remember much of what happened. Just being naked and performing some oral. When I finally got back into contact with my mom, she said it was much much worse.

Then when I was 6, the cops came and took us away. We were quickly thrown into the foster care system and it was a mess. I can clearly remember being in at least three homes. I know in my final home, it was bad but that's because there was another child outside of my sisters and I causing problems.

Then, around 7 my biological father found me. He and his wife took me in and made me a part of their family. I was a scared, scared girl with some serious abandonment issues. I was also informed I had a half-brother across the country. Anyways, they didn't know how to be parents. There was some crazy shit that happened to me. And my bio dad had really bad back problems so it was mostly my step-mom who raised me. She was and still is a cunt. I would do something wrong and she would tell me she hated me. She would threaten to beat me. She dragged me across the house by my hair. I was young and I'd forget to flush the toilet before I took a shower. She threatened to make me drink my pee. They made me brush my teeth with rock salt. They sleep deprived me for 3 days because I "took" (put in my rock collection and forgot about it) her wedding ring. I was fucking 8!!! They'd strip me naked and spank me. Its fucking ridiculous the shit they got away with. There were no marks, I went to the counselor. It got me nowhere.

After living with them for about 2 years, his wife told him "me or her?" he picked her. Way to fuck with my abandonment issues. They sent me to live with my half brother, his mom and step-dad. Things went well at first. My brother was an ass. He told me he hated me because he had more chores when I moved in. Other than that, it was okay. I had a family.

Then we moved.

That's when it got bad. My mom was really sick. (Failing body, really...) My brother told me it was my fault she was sick. That I was such a bad child, that I made her so frustrated, that it made her sick. Ohmygod. I started cutting myself, I wanted to die. My only "real" mother and I was the reason she was in pain. And of course I believed him... I was 11/12...

Then it got worse.

It started with an innocent game of truth or dare. It started with him daring me to kiss him. And he told me it was nothing. That it was okay. (He's 4 years older than me. There was no innocence in this for him, he was 16 when he started molesting me, he knew what he was doing.) Then within weeks, it turned into him watching me masturbate in front of him. At 12. ~ Mom was sick and in bed, Dad was a work in another city, 2 hours away... ~ The abuse never escalated much from there.

Then we moved to the city where Dad worked. I started there as a freshman in high school... There wasn't much from my brother then. I had really bad acne and he had serious issues with it. I dated on and off.

Then on the Valentines day right after I turned 16, we moved to a new house in the same town. I also started birth control for really bad, irregular periods. My acne cleared up, I had gone through puberty. I was beginning to look like a young woman.

The abuse started again. It never went furtherer than oral sex, thank God. But it was always a bribe or a manipulation. He always found a way to get what he wanted. And Mom was sick, I was lonely. It was hard to have friends over with how sick she was and she didn't really didn't like it when I went anywhere.

The abuse continued until my 18th birthday. Which, also happened to be the day our mom died. That night, he came into my room and tried to convince me to sleep with him. I don't fucking know what the hell is wrong with him.

One week after she passed, we had a memorial. One of my previous boyfriends showed up and well... We fell in love. Within three months we were engaged. Then, 4 months later, we married. I knew. I still know. Yeah, I was super young but he's the best thing to ever happen to me.

One month after we married, we found out we were expecting. Yes, we planned it.

Two months later, I told my spouse about the abuse from my brother. He was beyond pissed but I asked him not to say anything. Then, I started getting really angry around my brother. Violently angry. (We were living with my dad at this time and my brother and his girlfriend would visit. His girlfriend was my best friend... ) So I broke down and told my dad. I was 5 months pregnant and wanted, needed to protect my baby from his evil.

When I told my dad, he cried. That's when it clicked that what my brother did was bad. I never really understood but that's when I started to get it. Within a week, I pressed charges and got a restraining order.

After they called him in, which he gave a full confession (though I still believe he down-played it) he called our dad crying and apologizing. We also told my adopted family. They did and they still have swept it under the rug. It fucking bull shit. They have all been cut out as of just recently.

I also got the restraining order for a year. In fact, its up in about 3 weeks. >.< My dad moved in his fiancée around this time. I absolutely love my step mom and she's been so great with this whole thing.  Then a few months later, I had my Little one. There are no words to express my joy for my child. :-)

NINE days after I had my baby, my brothers fiancée (my previous friend) contacted me. She wanted to see the baby. I told her no. We texted a bit. Then the next day, she texted me again telling me the abuse was my fault, my sick, dying mother's fault and my dad's fault. My step mom called and told her to fuck off.

About a month or two later we got news of the case and if they could charge him. Turns out we can't. Some bull shit about age of consent in Nevada. FUCK.

Then, my brother and his fiancée got married. Their guests (some of my adopted family) stayed at my dads. (We were still living there, too.) Oh my god. I heard so much shit about forgiveness and how they wished it was different. Oh and to top this off, my brother didn't even invite my dad to his wedding.

A month later I got a letter from his dipstick wife. All full of shit on how she forgives me for hurting her and yadadayada. That was also around the time we moved out.  Then I went back to college and whatnot. My adopted family still never changed their stance on my brother and even invited him to Thanksgiving dinner with young girls around him. Three weeks after that, I cut them off Facebook. I am going to therapy for this and my blog is a part of it. Anyways, well here we are.

On the up side. Squishy's first Christmas is coming quick! I'm sooo excited. Anyways, there's my history. :-)