The Anger

I have so much anger inside of me. Pure, undeniable rage. There are many, many reasons why I am so angry.

1) What he did to me.
2) He took my innocence.
3) He stole my childhood.
4) I hated myself because of him.
5) I feel/felt dirty, ugly, weak, worthless and angry because of him.
6) Because he was/is my brother, I hate how I can't just let him go.
7) He confused me in so many ways.
8) He makes/made it hard to be intimate.
9) He got away with it.
10) There have been no consequences for him. I have to deal with this for the rest of my life.
11)  I have cried so many tears mourning our lost relationship.
12) I get so mad at other people because I don't know how to handle this pain.
13) He was supposed to protect me.
14) He used my weakness to get what he wanted.
15) I make stupid, rash decisions and say hurtful things because of the voices he placed in my head.
16) Very few people actually seem to comprehend what has happened to me.
17) His wife stayed with him. She plans to have his children. Those poor, poor children.
18) I am sick and tired of being told to forgive him.
19) I have nightmares about him.
20) I fear for my child. I am so scared of my little one running into him one day.

I understand that I will be able to move past this one day. I just, I still can't understand why he did this to me. It makes me sick. On a side note, the restraining order is up in 3 weeks. ~Que the shudders~ Please, pray that I don't hear from him or his wife. I really don't want to deal with them.